just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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