Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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