She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
