dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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