im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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