We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
