things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
