hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
