i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
