Barsexuality is the new black.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
