i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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