dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize