I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
