Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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