I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
