remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
