why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
