i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
oh god the rape fog is back!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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