Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
