I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
