There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
