you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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