So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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