Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
