if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish i was in the wii world.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
