I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
