I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is Oprah even human
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
