so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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