he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
