if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
