i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
