I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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