Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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