Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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