and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
