So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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