i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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