My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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