from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
