i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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