An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
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no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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