I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
