She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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