the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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