do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
