I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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