Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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