I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
