You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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