My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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