its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
