LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
