my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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