My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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