omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
