Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
