I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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