awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
