i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
