Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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