and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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