i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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