dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
