I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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