don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
