this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
