Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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