jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
