you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
