I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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