woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
