also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
