After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Randomize
