The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
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