I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
