i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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