Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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