I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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